The Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show
by Paralon
Summary: This is the Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show! Where our favorite spirit detectives are asked questions and are tortured- I mean do activities to amuse us. Warning: Crossdressing, Weird performances, and possible yaoi in future chapters.
1. Episode One

Chapter 1

Spotlights lit up the stage as a neon sign above a leather sofa chair and couch lit up with the words 'The Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show' as the camera zoomed out from the stage to the audience full of fangirls.

A loud announcer voice came on "Please welcome your host, Lee Crane!" The fangirls in the audience applaud and music played as the host came across the stage.

He- well, a she who likes a he was dressed in a black suit with thick, black glasses with a microphone in her hand.

The host cleared her throat and in a tenor voice she spoke, "Hello ladies and...ladies," she squinted to see if the one with green hair in the front row was a dude or not, "Welcome to the Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show, where we ask our guests juicy questions and give them devilish dares. Now, please welcome your favorite fighters, your favorite boys, your favorite heroes...Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei!"

The music played and the audience erupted in applause and screams as the four boys walked across the stage, they waved to the audience as they sat down on the couch.

This is only made the audience go even more wild, the fangirls were even making grabs at the cameramen.

"Hey! Back you crazy, obsessed, nuts!" Lee yelled as she hit a fangirl with a broom who had Seth, the cameraman, by the hair, "Calm down or you won't get any yaoi."

She hit another fangirl with her microphone who had the other cameraman, Kevin, by the collar.

The fangirls immediately calmed down, the two Lee hit whimpered.

Lee huffed, "And this why I told you to cut your hair!" She glared at Seth.

The cameraman grumbled something about his paycheck and tv hosts as he manned the camera while Kevin whined about how he lost his favorite pair of sunglasses.

Lee sat down in her chair before addressing the boys, "So... how was your trip here?"

"If you mean being abducted in broad daylight and thrown in the back of a truck for two days a trip," Hiei said haughtily.

"Hey! Even though you signed a contract to be down here, you definitely weren't going to go unless I used force," Lee snapped, "I didn't have to do that to the other three."

"She threatened to, if we didn't comply with our contract," Kurama informed.

Hiei hned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"See, he made a good choice of not resisting, besides you four can't go until I end the show or the show stops getting reviews," she said with a evil grin, "So...READERS, PLEASE REVIEW!"

The four boys cringed at the sudden attack on their eardrums.

"And now for the rules...ladies and...is that green haired one a guy?" Lee announced, the green haired he/she gave Lee the middle-finger, "Very lady-like...so anyway, please welcome my lovely assistant, Josie!"

Music played and the audience applauded as Josie walked across the stage in a Miku Hatsune costume; she gave Lee an envelope and left the stage.

The boyish looking host ripped open the envelope and read the paper,

"The rules of submitting questions and dares to the Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show.

Rule number one, do not submit questions and dares that have already been done.

Rule number two, you can not kill any of the characters, but you can seriously injure them," when she finished reading them, Lee ripped the paper up.

"I don't like that rule," Kuwabara squeaked.

Lee glared at Kuwabara, "And the last rule is I will choose the order of when the questions and the dares are done."

There was a long silence after Lee stopped speaking.

"So..." Yusuke said.

"We need questions...Audience and readers, please review my talk show and give us things to do or I will be forced to create my own...and we all know what happened when I create my own questions and dares." Lee looked at the four.

They gulped.

Lee grinned wickedly, "But that will next time on the Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show!" The camera pans out over the audience as the music plays.


	2. Episode Two

"Welcome back to the Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show!" Lee announced the cameras focusing in on the lesbian's face.

"Damn!" the four spirit detectives exclaimed receiving a dirty look from Lee.

"Anyway...sorry it's been awhile since the first episode, the author of this fanfiction, Paralon, has been busy with school and her other story, Undercover."

Following her statement, a barrage of applause and screams from the fangirl based audience filled the studio to the host's surprise.

"I see you all are familiar with the story..." Lee said slowly into the microphone, "It's a shame that the story is to end soon."

Groans and screams of "No!" erupted from the audience.

Once the audience quieted down, Lee proceeded to talk again, "But fear not, once Undercover is completed, it will be proceeded by the sequel, Blackmarket Bust and Bloody Love!"

Once again, screams and applause from the audience filled the studio.

"But anyway, on with the rest of the show. Let's see what the readers have sent us. Please welcome my lovely assistant, Josie!"

Everyone applauded as Josie in a Rin Kagamine costume made her way across the stage.

The blonde handed the raven-haired host a small, thick envelope before whispering in her ear.

"Hm, thank you, Josie. Please stay for the remainder of the episode," Lee thanked as one of the cameraman came up on to the stage, setting a stool down for Josie to sit.

Lee sighed and stood up to face the audience, "Before we move to the questions and dares. I have to tell you that we had received none from our readers..."

The studio was filled with whoops of happiness from the spirit detectives.

"Thank you, readers!" Yusuke shouted.

Lee rolled her eyes, "But do not fear, fans. Because of the lack of mail, the writer created some questions and dares for us!" she said waving the thick envelope.

"NOOOOO!" Hiei shouted jumping across the stage at Lee, who swiftly dodged the flying swordsman.

Hiei landed with a loud crash somewhere off camera.

The host looked off the stage and then at the camera.

"Um...we are currently experiencing some technical difficulties. We'll be right back."

* * *

A few minutes later...**  
**

"And we're back!" Lee announced, sitting in her hostess chair.

"So...Hiei, did you have a nice fall?" she said addressing the swordsman sitting across from her.

"Damn you..." Hiei said holding an ice pack to his eye, but still able to shoot Lee a death glare, "And that was a lame ass joke."

"At least I still have my good two eyes," Lee snapped, "But on to the questions."

Lee ripped open the envelope and took out the bundle of cards, then read the first question and immediately bursted out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Kuwabara asked eyeing the hosting.

"Ehehe...we have a dare for Kurama," Lee snickered.

"Oh dear..."

**_From: Paralon (the Almighty Authoress)_**

**_Dear Kurama,_**

**_I dare you to sing and dance to Just Dance by NS Yoon Ji...dressed in her black, leather outfit from the music video._**

"Oh makeup!" Lee hollered.

"Wait-What!" Kurama asked startled as two pairs of hands popped out of nowhere and dragged him backstage.

The dark hostess jumped off the stage and over to a control box with several levers, "Time for concert mode!" she said pulling down the lever.

The small stage raised in height and expanded in size, LED lights lined the large stage as the stage lights started flashing different colors.

The couch that had the other guys was moved off to the side while the host chair and Josie were moved backstage.

A DJ booth popped out of nowhere as dance music played.

"Kurama! Kurama! Kurama!-Woooo!" the fans screamed as the barrier that kept them back was brought down, so they crowded around the stage.

Lee hopped up onto the stage, "You ready to rock!"

"YEA!"

"I can't hear you! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!"

"YEA!"

"READY TO SEE KURAMA!"

"YEEEEAAAA!"

"Well here he is... your favorite redhead, the rose prince. Presenting KURAMA!" Lee announced as Kurama is pushed on stage.

A series of catcalls and whistles greeted him as he moved center stage in his tight leather pants, black sheer-sleeved shirt, and high heel boots.

"Dear god...why does the author torture me so."

"Wow Kurama, you look good...and girly. I think the makeup is taking it a little far though," Lee commented walking a circle around him before walking towards the back of the stage and sitting with the rest of the spirit detectives on the couch.

Kurama looked at the ravenous audience with his made-up eyes, "Dear god..."

"Ready Kurama!" Lee shouted to him.

"Unfortunately..."

"DJ Josie, hit that track!"

"Hai!" Josie obeyed magically appearing in the DJ Booth.

**Chumeul chwo, chumeul chwo**  
** D-d-d-dance all night**  
** Twenty ten**

** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Neoui gi-eogeul da ji-ul ddaeggaji**  
** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Nae nunmuli da mareul ddaeggaji**  
** (Oh right now)**

** Neoegen nabbunirago**  
** Baramman jibeoneoko**  
** Ddeonamyeon geumaniya nabbeun noma**  
** Goerowo sureul masyeodo**  
** Ontongne saenggakbbuninde**  
** Nan nan**  
** Nan neomu himdeureo**

** Nal saranghandago mareul haji ma**  
** Dasin (dasin) ije dasin**  
** Nal ddeonaji anketdago yaksuk haji ma**  
** Dasin (dasin) ije dasin**

** Neon neon neon jeongmal mot dwaeseo**  
** Apeugo apeun nal wae gatgo nora**  
** Wae wae wae nareul ullini**  
** Geudaereul itgo sipeo oneuldo nan**

** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Neoui gi-eogeul da ji-ul ddaeggaji**  
** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Nae nunmuli da mareul ddaeggaji**  
** Oh right now (chumeul chwo)**

** Geudaeneun ddeonagatgo**  
** Nan honja namgyeojyeotgo**  
** Sarangeun jogangnatjiman**  
** Oero-I chumeul chune**  
** Hollo namgyeojin bame**  
** Ijeneun geudaereul ijeullae Baby**

** Saranghandago mareul haji ma**  
** Dasin (dasin) ije dasin**  
** Nal ddeonaji anketdago yaksuk haji ma**  
** Dasin (dasin) ije dasin**

** Neon neon neon jeongmal mot dwaeseo**  
** Apeugo apeun nal wae gatgo nora**  
** Wae wae wae nareul ullini**  
** Geudaereul itgo sipeo oneuldo nan**

** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Neoui gi-eogeul da ji-ul ddaeggaji**  
** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Nae nunmuli da mareul ddaeggaji**  
** (Oh right now)**

** Be be be be babe**  
** A de de de de dance**  
** Da gati lala lalala**  
** Chumeul chwo**  
** Modu da chumeul chwo**  
** Be be be be babe**  
** A de de de de dance**  
** Da gati lala lalala**  
** Chumeul chwo**  
** Modu da chumeul chwo**

** Go shawty Go YoonJi**  
** Come on ma Dance like it's ya birthday**  
** Sarang geuggajit geo mwo eodae**  
** Mwo mwo mwo eodae**  
** Yeongwonhan sarangeun eopseo**  
** Make up and break up-ui banbok**  
** Shake it just shake it**  
** Shake it like a tambourine**

** Neon neon neon jeongmal mot dwaeseo**  
** Apeugo apeun nal wae gatgo nora**  
** Wae wae wae nareul ullini**  
** Geudaereul itgo sipeo oneuldo nan**

** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Neoui gi-eogeul da ji-ul ddaeggaji**  
** Chumeul chwobwa nan**  
** Nae nunmuli da mareul ddaeggaji**  
** Oh right now (chumeul chwo)**

* * *

A few minutes later, after the stage is back in "Talk Show" mode...

"That was a-uh...interesting performance," Lee said her face flushed and then turned to Josie, "When did you learn to DJ?"

"When did you learn to be a height man?"

"Touche'."

"Can I go change now?" Kurama asked still in his black Yoon Ji outfit.

"Nope, sorry."

"Ugh!" Kurama said fidgeting in his leather pants, "Why did the author give me that dare?"

"You're one of her favorite characters...and she likes that song, I guess."

"Was I only one that was actually turned on by that?" Yusuke said letting out a laugh.

"I think everyone was..." Lee said looking around at all the red faces.

"Ehahaha! Wow Kurama, managed to turn on a couple of lesbians!" Kuwabara laughed getting wacked in the face with Kurama's tight ponytail when he looked at the swordsman, who refused to look up.

"Come on, Hiei...you know you loved seeing Kurama dressed like that while doing that...dance," Lee teased.

Hiei looked up at the lesbian to growl, appearing as red as Kurama's hair, "Don't make me rip out your precious voicebox..."

"Ehahaha! Oh, he definitely liked it. Look at how red his face is!" Yusuke belted out.

"I will kill you, detective."

"Hey! No killing, I just got the carpets cleaned!" Lee scolded, "On to the next question...this one is for Hiei."

_**From: Paralon (The Almight Authoress)**_

_**Dear Hiei,**_

_**Does Kuwabara still not know that Yukina is your** **sister?**_

"WHAT" Kuwabara yelled, "Yukina is the shrimp's brother!"

"He knows now...thanks to your host."

Lee sweatdropped, "My bad..."

"Happy place...happy place...happy place," Kuwabara said over and over again rocking back and forth in the corner.

"I think we broke Kuwabara..." Kurama hypothesized.

"He's not really important to the episode, so on to the next question," Lee said reading the next question.

"...Never mind, next question!" Lee said balling up the card.

"Oh no you don't!" Yusuke said jumping up and snatching the paper ball out of her hand.

"Hey!" Lee shouted jumping up, trying to reach for the balled up question card, "Give that back!"

"I'll give it back when you can take it from my hand, shorty," Yusuke said using his free hand to keep Lee at bay, "Hiei, catch!"

In a black blur, Hiei caught the ball in mid-air and returned to his seat; he undid the ball, "Hn, this question is for Lee."

"Don't read it!" Lee shouted restrained by the slick-back haired teen.

_**From: Paralon (The Almighty Authoress)**_

_**Dear Lee Crane,**_

_**Do you think Keiko is hot?**_

"Damn you!"

"So...do you think she's hot?" Josie asked her arms crossed in front.

"Uh..."

"Answer the lady," Yusuke demanded.

"Well, she is quite curvacious for someone her age..."

"And I'm not!" Josie said raising her voice.

"Based on observation, that would be a no, you're as skinny as a pencil," Lee replied, "She is also quite intelligent and athletic."

"Are you saying I'm stupid?"

"No! I'm not saying that," Lee sweatdropped.

"Well are you saying I'm not athletic?"

"Well none of us think that you are..." Lee said, "Do you seriously have to be like this?"

"Oh? So you're implying that I'm overreacting!" Josie raised her voice.

"You and your encursed emotional moments," Lee said thinking out loud.

"Hmph!" Josie said walking off stage, "Find yourself a new assistant!"

"Son of a bitch..." Lee muttered.

Snickers were heard as the spirit detectives watched the whole scene play out.

"I wouldn't be laughing, the next question is a dare." The snickering stopped.

Adjusting her glasses and sitting back in her host chair, she read the next card.

_**From: Paralon (The Almighty Authoress)**_

_**Dear Yusuke,**_

_**Under the assumption that Josie had walked out, Lee has no assistant. Your dare is to be Lee's new assistant while wearing Josie's costumes.**_

"Shit!" Yusuke yelled, "I am not wearing those stupid cosplays!"

"You actually know what 'cosplay' means?" Kuwabara said genuinely surprised.

"Hey-Hey-Hey! No interrupting!" Lee shouted continuing to read the rest of the dare.

_**This is also a dare for the rest of the spirit detectives, at any given time, one of them will have to take your place, thus repeating. The time to switch will depend on how I am feeling or by request.**_

"I hate you all..." Hiei muttered.

"What is the likelihood of getting picked?" Kurama asked.

"Let's just say, If I were a popular character, I would be worried," Lee informed to Kurama's horror.

"But that's next time on the Yu Yu Hakusho Talk Show! And remember to review!"


End file.
